erything better. It's called a simultaneous sip, and it happens now.

Let me ask you a question, fine people. Do you believe you can tell the difference between good news and bad news with your common sense and your judgment and your instincts and your heuristics? Well, sometimes it's not so clear. Sometimes we can't tell the difference between good news and bad news.

For example, California is suffering a drought for a number of years. What would be good news if you are suffering a drought? Rain. Not just rain but a lot of rain. A lot of rain. In fact, California got so much rain that it made a dent in the drought. So the news today is the dangerous side to this. Oh yeah, there's a dangerous side to not having a drought. It's that the plants and trees will grow so quickly with all that water that when they inevitably dry out in the summer, it's going to be a forest fire catastrophe. Right? So the good news is the drought's over. The bad news is we'll go up in flames and you won't be able to go outdoors in the summer. So is there anything that Tinder can't ruin? I'll just let that one sit there for a while. Is there anything that Tinder can't ruin? You could just fill in the rest yourself at home.

Well, I saw a review, I think it was on CNN, that said there's a new show on that's apparently a banger. It's a banger. I think that's like a British word for good. And I said to myself, wow, are you kidding me? There's something worth watching on television. But before I read the review, before I read the review, I realized what was going on. What does it mean in 2023 when there's a movie or a TV series that's excellent? What's that mean? It's really, really good. Yeah, it was basically Brokeback Mountain. So it had to be either Holocaust or Brokeback Mountain. Had to be LGBTQ, had to be a trans in there somewhere, right?

So I'm reading the review. It's like, and the love story between these two men. Oh, okay, I get it. Best thing that's ever been on television because it's a love story between two men, and that's all you need to know. Best thing on television ever since the beginning of time. Probably win a lot of awards.

CNN's ratings have reached a new nine-year low, and this is why we call Greg Gutfeld the Thanos of news. He's destroyed half of his competition already. But that's only part of the story. Apparently CNN notched its — sorry, Megyn Kelly tweeted, I saw who were talking about it, and she said it got the lowest ratings in nine years, but it's also the lowest rating across every category of the day. So every hour of the day, a new low.

Now here's the funny thing. On Twitter you can read the comments of the ex-CNN viewers and how unhappy they are. Do you know why they're so unhappy? Why are the CNN viewers so unhappy with CNN? It started telling real news. Not completely, you know. They still have a good pocket of bias over there that comes out pretty obviously. But they made a concerted and I think legitimate move toward actual news where they didn't just lie about conservatives. And then the people were like, what? What? Yeah. So it turns out you can't make money telling people the truth, or attempting to tell them the truth. You could argue whether they get it right, but attempting to tell people a calm, objective truth is terrible for your ratings.

Do you know how I know that? Does anybody know how I know that? Attempting to tell the truth, even if you don't do it right, but attempting to tell the truth, you know that's terrible for ratings, right? It's certainly bad for mine. Now luckily I have a death wish. Yeah, that's not literal. I don't have a literal death wish. And by the way, I'm not planning to commit suicide, so let me put that out there. I am not planning to commit suicide. Feeling good, feeling great actually, now that I'm off my blood pressure meds. They were definitely screwing with my mind. But I want you to know I'm not planning to kill myself because I do think there's a reasonably good chance I'll get murdered in the next two years. I mean reasonable chance meaning five percent, maybe five percent. But that's more than you want to worry about. You probably don't have a five percent chance of getting murdered, but I have a five percent chance of getting murdered for political reasons because I move the needle.

So anyway, what was I talking about? I completely lost the thread. I don't know. Was it interesting? Was it anything good? Oh, about the news. Yeah, so CNN is losing viewers because they're attempting to tell