e. That's a Nobel Prize joke right there. I hate that the joke overshadowed her accomplishment of quote saving millions of lives. But yeah, saving millions of lives, that's cool too. That's cool too. But are we overlooking the quality of this joke? Come on, people. Let's be fair.

Anyway, you want to hear the least surprising news of the day? The news is all weird and funny and today's show will be the best you ever saw.

So remember I always say that all data is fake if it matters. If it doesn't matter, you know, maybe it's not fake, but if it matters, there's somebody whose job it is to make sure that you don't see the real stuff. There's always somebody's job to make sure you don't see accurate data. It used to be my job when I worked for a big corporation. My job was to make sure people didn't see accurate data. And you know, you don't think about it that way at first, but you soon realize that when you say, "Hey, I don't have good data for this branch bank or whatever that I was monitoring. So we should just leave out the data because we don't really have data for this one bank." And the boss would say, "Nah, just make something up and put it in there because I don't use the data anyway. I just use it if it agrees with me." He actually told me that.

So given that context that all data is fake if it matters, what do you think of the census data? What would matter more than census data? Maybe just the national elections, but census data is right up there, right? What else would be like way toward the top of importance of data? How about jobs data? How about those jobs? The jobs data we recently learned that was just totally made up.

One of the, by far, oh actually I'm not high, Irene. I'm not high at all. I will be after the show. Just it's worth mentioning that opinion. I think the news is just genuinely funny today. And I've been sort of laughing all day. But on top of that, I won't give you the long story, but the short story is this is the first pain-free day I've had since last December. So if you think I'm high on life, oh god, I am. I didn't know that I could ever feel pain-free again. Now it won't last. That's also a longer story. It's probably just today, but I have rarely felt better than I feel right now. Rarely my whole life. Because you know, you feel better if you're coming off of something bad. The best meal I ever had in my life was after a week of dental work where I could only eat soft food. And the first time I had like a piece of some pasta, I thought, "Oh my god. Oh, what is this? It's like God in my mouth." So that's how I'm feeling right now. So if I do seem unusually happy, you're right. But not for marijuana. And I don't drink. So it's not those two things.

Anyway, back to the Census Bureau. If we know that all data is fake if it matters, and the census matters more than just about anything, would you be surprised that there's a group called Center for Renewing America whose claim is that the census is not just flawed, but intentionally flawed. And I was thinking to myself, hm, how are they going to convince me of that? Because everything's political and you can't really trust some entity you've never heard of suddenly making a big provocative claim. You want to keep your powder dry, maybe see if anybody else is saying the same thing, listen to the argument, hear both sides. Well, they didn't have to do that