to brag but I've been there. Yep, Ivanka gave me a tour of the furniture in the Oval Office. It probably happens to a lot of people. So like that.

So anyway, I like to get my little narcissistic supply by telling people that I was once in the Oval Office. Last night I'm at a neighborhood gathering in town and just talking to the neighbors and once again politics came up and I thought, well here, here's my opportunity. I'm gonna just drop this in here because when you're just talking to the neighbors, like literally the people who live on your block, you know, this could be a little extra impressive, wouldn't you say? Because often I'm talking to other public figures and they've done interesting things too. But if you're just talking to the neighbors you can really wow the neighbors.

So I was talking to a woman who lives in the neighborhood and I mentioned, you know, I met the president. And she said, uh, yeah, I had dinner with Obama. And I just thought, well I'm just going to give up. Like, well I'm just going to give up. Is there anybody I can talk to who hasn't done something better? Good lord, what do I have to do? What do I have to do? I don't know.

So I know lots of you have your own problems and your own problems seem big to you but everybody thinks their own problem... Will you give me a moment for some sympathy? I've been trying to brag for years and it's not working out at all. So I'll just keep trying.

Yesterday I saw a straight news piece that made me laugh for ten minutes. Right now remember I said that parody and reality have merged. If you can find a better example than this. Now I'm going to read you the actual straight headline and you tell me that it's not a joke, right? Try to distinguish between the actual headline. I'm not making this up. This is an actual headline from yesterday: "Kamala Harris's speechwriter quit." It's not just me, right?

And I went to retweet it and add a joke and I couldn't do it. I couldn't add a joke because you can't add a joke to the joke. Like that's just piling on. There was nothing you could say to that to make it funnier. I just laughed for ten minutes and every time I kept trying to do a quote tweet where I'd add the humorous spin on it, there's no humorous spin you can add on that.

Well I thought, but