be better ones after this, but if ever there was a time when I thought I was running the simulation, it would be today. And you're going to see this in every story. Every story today is going to look like, "Scott, did you cause that to happen? Did you will that out of the universe and it just happened?"

Let me begin with exhibit A for me running the universe. Story number one: daily coffee consumption is at a 20-year high, up nearly 40%. Probably a coincidence, sure, but if you put it on a graph, I think you'd find that coffee consumption tracks very well with Coffee with Scott Adams' rise into dominance in the media world. No coincidence. Nope. You think about coffee enough.

All right. OJ Simpson is dead. Reportedly he died of cancer, but I think doctors are still looking for the real killer. And is there any way that they could get more ridiculous? Is there anything we could do to this story to completely discredit DEI and all the race grifters? Because that's exactly the sort of thing that Scott would want to happen in the real world.

Well, let's check. CUNY Professor Marc Lamont Hill posted that OJ Simpson's death and his acquittal for murder, well, he said that OJ's acquittal for murder was the correct and necessary result of a racist criminal legal system. Sure, he killed two people, but because it's part of a racist system, it was fine that he goes free.

Now, I kind of appreciate this story because it's so ridiculous that it just makes you laugh. Like, that's a good story. But I'd like to recount to you my only OJ story. Some of you have heard this before, but it's a winner, and because OJ passed, it's time to say it again. True story. Years ago when I had a problem with my voice, many of you know that story, before I got it corrected surgically, I went to a famous voice doctor in Brentwood, California. Remember, Brentwood, home of OJ.

And this doctor told me that one of his prior patients had been OJ Simpson. So OJ Simpson had gone to a voice doctor to improve his dictation or something. And when the voice doctor, who was very well known, he was famous in his field, when he decided to write a book about his work as a voice doctor, he thought, wouldn't it be great to get OJ Simpson as one of the endorsements on the back of the book? So he goes to OJ, and OJ says, sure, of course, gives him a nice endorsement for his work.

And then the doctor takes it to his publisher, and the publisher says, you know that he murdered two people, right? And that we probably shouldn't put OJ Simpson, accused murderer, as a recommendation for your book. And then my voice doctor, with the all-time best quip of all time, looked at his publisher and said of OJ, he only had one bad day. And that's how I'd like OJ to be remembered. He only had one bad day. If you were to take the average, the average would look fine. I mean, so I guess I have to agree with Marc Lamont Hill. You should let him get away with murder because how else can you correct systemic racism?

Speaking of which, a man dies in custody saying, I can't breathe, and police held him down, and then he died. What do you think the medical examiner ruled it? It was a Black man who died doing a George Floyd impression. Maybe the same reason, we don't know. But just like George Floyd, white police officers were restraining him. He was saying he couldn't breathe. He died. And then the medical examiner ruled it a homicide, but no charges were filed. Huh.

Let's see if I can understand this. The medical examiner rules it a homicide. Now, that's exactly the kind of situation that would trigger some kind of criminal charges, but it's a Dallas situation, and maybe they looked at it and said no. Now, how could you possibly explain a medical examiner who says it's homicide and yet the other police offi