w you know.

"Dear Leader, we're planning your day and we have very, very important budget meetings. Can I put you down for the budget meeting at 2:00 p.m.?"

Kim Jong-un: "Uh-huh. Budget meeting. Yeah, yeah, I could attend the budget meeting. That's one possibility. Or I could go to my seaside resort party with my two thousand sex slaves, and maybe you could attend that meeting for me. And if I hear later that things didn't go well, I could execute you and everyone who attended the meeting. How about that instead?"

"Okay, very good. Very good. I won't put you down for the two o'clock meeting. But we've got a ribbon-cutting at a fertilizer plant. That's tomorrow. Could you make the fertilizer plant ribbon-cutting, Dear Leader?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's completely possible. I could drag my fat ass across North Korea to visit a factory that literally makes... or I could go to my seaside resort and I could party with my two thousand sex slaves while you visit the fertilizer plant. And if I hear later that anything went wrong, I could execute you and kill everybody at the fertilizer plant too, just to make sure I've wrapped it all up. How about that?"

"Excellent plan. An excellent plan, Dear Leader. Do we need to talk about the rest of this schedule?"

"Not so much. Not so much."

And scene.

Now, here's this is actually an answer to a mystery that I've had all my life, and I should have known the answer because it was kind of obvious. And I always say to myself, why is it you can't get a dictator to retire? Why is there never any story about a dictator says, I've been enjoying my dictatorship, but I'll tell you what, I'll retire. We'll turn this into a democracy or whatever.

Now it turns out that the answer is that if you retire from being a dictator, you will lose, and here I'm just speculating, you will lose access to your two thousand sex slaves and you'll probably be hunted down and executed. So retiring is a really bad strategy for your typical tyrant, because they might get executed, but at the very least, whatever openness that comes with retiring and becoming democratic is really going to cut into your two thousand sex slave weekend.

How do you expect a dictator to retire when that's the proposition? Here, here's the deal. How would you like to make peace? We'll have some kind of North Korea-South Korea. You know, we won't necessarily merge right away, but there'll be more travel and openness, more connections, you know, maybe a lot more communication. And you see Kim Jong-un sitting there and thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, we could do that. We could do that. We could have the peace and openness. I could get rid of my nukes. Or I'll just put this out there. I could keep my nukes, which keeps you out of my country, and I can keep my two thousand sex slaves. How about that?

And so the ability that Kim Jong-un's sister might be the heir apparent if Kim Jong-un actually is incapacitated or dead. And I say to myself, isn't this interesting? Isn't this interesting? Because I don't know if there are historical cases in the modern era of female dictators who have sex slaves. I kind of think they might have a few, right? If you had a female dictator, she might have a few male sex slaves, maybe a few female sex slaves. Why not? But probably not two thousand.

And if you were Kim Jong-un's sister, and let's say hypothetically you decided to make peace and have some kind of transitional stage toward a more democratic system, could you retire? Could Kim Jong-un's sister retire? Would she be safe from the reaches of the law? Don't know. Because certainly she could argue that everything that happened was her brother's fault, because I don't have any decision. She made. She just had to do what the boss said. So she could say, I didn't do anything. I just carried out orders. And by the way, I don't have two thousand sex slaves. I got three or four. Probably take them with me. But you know, maybe we could have some peace.

Because think about it. Is realistically, all joking aside, realistically, would Kim Jong-un ever do anything to ruin his situation? No, nothing. There isn't anything. There's not risk of death. There's nothing that's going to shake him out of his situation with his private train and all the booze he wants and two thousand sex slaves. There's no negotiating in which you say, all right, I got an offer. And then Kim says, before you say your offer, can you tell me how it's better than owning my own country, being a dictator, eating and drinking whatever I want, smoking a lot of pot, I assume he does, and playing with my two thousand sex slaves at my luxury resort? Is your offer better than that? And then the negotiators would say, well, in some ways. And Kim would say, uh-uh. Maybe we'll just put a hold on those negotiations.

So the bottom line is it's possible that Kim Jong-un's sister could negotiate for a peace like a real one. It is not possible, based on this new information, that Kim Jong-un would have any interest in negotiating for something that would ca